...Or tried to.
There was very little feeling of touch when I put my arms around, &
through Wyly. The sensation was best described as--static. Like a low-voltage
static charge that itched & strained to take advantage of an unexpected
path. Where the distance of a 1/2 inch between a T.V. screen & your
fingertips to complete the circut was a limbo of uncertainty that lasted
a glorious fraction of a second, & ended w/ a miniature light show.
The next sensation was all of the hairs on the back of my neck standing
up w/ military precision. This feeling caused me to glance down at Wyly's
form as his green glow began to obscure my vision. I wasn't moving, but
Wyly had continued to walk into the same space I was occupying! This caused
ripples of chills to spread from my spine to the rest of my body, unearthing
goosebumps as they went. The lifting Van De Graph effect that had started
w/ my neck hairs spread to the rest of my body--giving a cool, fuzzy &
green 3-D effect. As the intense glow entirely claimed my vision, a feeling
of complete relaxation overcame me. It was as if every muscle in my body
had been painlessly relieved of its' stress & struggle in holding
my body together. Appropriately enough, I collapsed, unconscious, to the
I awoke from the feeling of a sound, dreamless sleep, to the annoying
sensation of being jabbed w/ a stick. Hmph. So this was the Jeff Corwin
experience--blasted Animal Planet channel! I suddenly became aware of
a hesitant, but concerned voice calling me after each poke. POKE! "Roy?"
POKE! POKE! "Roy, wake up!" The sudden memory of what had happened
shocked me fully awake. Wyly had promised that he wouldn't do anything
to me! If he did this, who knew what else he might do next! I whipped
my head in every direction, trying to spot--"WHERE'S WYLY!?!"
No one answered, & as soon as I'd said it, I remembered that only
I could see him when he was dry anyways. As I looked around, I realized
that my vision was oddly impeded. I had to focus cross-eyed to see why...&
gasped. I had a snout! In my shock of the moment, I automatically brought
my hand up--to either grab, or wave away the new development. This led
to a couple of new shocks. I jerked w/ the startling sensation of touching
my new, moist nose & the touch of my nose on my new finger pads! As
I struggled to explain this new development to myself, only one answer
came to mind.
I turned a frightened, yet outraged glare on Circe as I struggled to get
to my feet. "YOU! YOU... HOW COULD YOU!?!" Circe took a couple
of steps back at my unexpected outburst. "I...I thought you would've
been happy to be rid of Wyly & myself, & then you go & do
something like this! I gestured to my reflection on an ice cream cart
across the way. The image was slightly warped, but it was definitely no
longer human. I hopped on one foot to start pulling off my shoes, which
were too loose in the heels, but way too tight in the toes. "WHY?"
Circe turned a puzzled glance at her sisters--who shrugged their shoulders,
& then she turned her beautiful, piteous gaze back to me. "Neither
my sisters nor myself had anything to do w/ this. We all saw you hug *something*,
& a few seconds later you transformed into this! We've been trying
to wake you for the past 5 minutes. We've also figured out what it is--it's
a pooka, but unlike any pooka we've ever 'seen' or heard of before. They're
usually harmless pranksters, & easy to ward off, or disperse. This
one, however, was totally resistant to our magic, as your new body is
I glanced down at myself, & extended my arms. "I'm usually not
one for vanity, but I think I need a better look at what's happened!"
Circe gestured, & a gilded full-length mirror popped into existance
before me. Given the choice of wondering at so many sudden complications
in my life, I chose to examine my reflection. I was stunned to discover
that I now had a humanoid coyote form, & was indistinguishable from
the other transformees. The most uncomfortable part of my new, lean, digigrade
form was the tail crammed into my jeans. I ripped the main seam, &
pulled the tan, black tipped tail through with a grunt. The majority of
my body was covered w/ a wiry, tan-colored fur. My belly was a very light
tan--almost white. The white extended under my arms, & I'd assume
under my legs as well. My face had the signature narrow coyote snout,
w/ a stripe of brown fur on its' bridge. The brown briefly under shadowed
my eyes, & proceeded up my forehead. My back--from what I could see,
was a mixture of black, dark brown, & gray fur.
"So...I'm possessed?" I glanced back at my right furred hand,
as it had suddenly started shaking, & wouldn't stop. It twitched,
& suddenly, of its' own accord; shot skyward--palm up! I stood frozen
in shock as I studied my new pose. It looked like I was trying to feed
low-flying pigeons. The rest of the crowd was watching w/ guarded interest
as well. I was about to say something, when a familiar voice preempted
my own, & shouted w/ ecstatic glee. "IT'S ALIVE! ALIVE! YOUR
CREATION LIVES! Heh, heh, I've always wanted to say that!"
There was no sensation of loosing control to Wyly, only a delay of my
personal commands to my body. I pulled my arm back down, & considered
what to say next. "That was a very slick trick, Wyly. Now please,
get out of my body!" My head shook, & my arms embraced myself.
This wasn't a good sign. "Nope, nope! I need you too much to do that
pops! I was created in your mind, & it's in your mind & your body--I
shall stay. You see, we're Mike & Ike--we think alike! Thus, you have
a matching sympathetic vibration that I can't resist. Since my personality
is finally completed in your subconscious mind, & constantly updated
by whatever you imagine; it's impossible for us to part now! You &
I now suffer from the same curse of 'living in interesting times.' But
don't worry, we're going to make our own very interesting future, &
have a blast doing it!"
I suddenly found myself distracted by an odd sensation of movement, &
a quick check behind me confirmed that 'our' tail was wagging. This was
too much. I was too distracted by the new body to think clearly! I spoke
to the empty air before me hopefully. "Wyly, can I at least look
& feel human again?" To my surprise, his answer was quite positive.
"Certainly! There you go!" My tail had disappeared, & my
arms & hands were human again, except...wait a minute. A collective
gasp from the crowd only deepened my confusion. My arms were slender &
hairless, ending in perfectly manicured feminine hands. I was wearing
what looked like a white toga w/ gold...I shot a stunned glance at Circe
standing next to the mirror, who was staring at herself--in triplicate!
I gritted my teeth. "Wyly, fix this!" I hissed. In the space
of a second, I had my original body back. "Thanks. Now, will you
*kindly* explain why you wrecked the Funhouse?"
My mouth opened, but before Wyly could reply, Circe spoke out. "At
the moment, I'm more interested in how you're going to pay for it!"
Wyly finally spoke up. "Pay for it? Money doesn't concern me. I deal
in something much more valuable!" Circe crossed her arms, & frowned.
"It had better be convertible to cash, whatever it is. There's tens
of thousands of dollars worth of damage here, plus the emotional damage
& stress of being forced to tolerate you for the past 2 weeks!"
This was getting ugly. I could feel my/Wyly's lips start to curl in a
growl, but I found I couldn't say anything between the 2 verbal duelists'
jabs. "I deal in the universal currency of attention & emotion!
These can greatly improve your business here at the Funhouse. So, the
way I see it is...you should be THANKING me for what I've done so far!"
Circe's mouth gaped in shock, & I finally found a chance to speak.
"Circe, I'm not sure what he's talking about, but I've barely got
$1,500 in my account right now, & I'm sure it's not enough to leave
a scratch in your bills. Circe raised an eyebrow. "Actually, I'd
like to hear how he could improve my 'business', & why I should thank
Wyly didn't mince words in his hurt, & stubborn reply. "'Tolerate
me?!' She insulted me! And she insulted you by insulting your creation!
I'm not telling her anything that would help her, & neither should
you!" Circe stepped closer, & eyed me speculatively. "'Neither
should you?' What does he mean by that?" I held up my hand to signal
a break, & sat down. Think. Wyly said that we think alike, & in
the reactive character traits I'd given him, that was true. His reactions
were my reactions, but why all the 'accidents?' How did it tie into his
feeding off attention & emotions? Wyly was part: confidence man, actor,
salesman, unlicenced closet lawyer, trickster, & urban survivor. What
was the common link between them all? Hmm. The missing link & the
weakest link, hmm. I suddenly centered on the word weakest--or weakness!
That's it! I had the answer to all of it, & it was perfect! Best of
all, It actually had a life of it's own, & it completed the character;
giving it possibilities beyond my wildest dreams!
I couldn't help myself. I burst out in gut-busting laughter until the
tears came. Circe & her convoy, tense enough from the earlier argument,
unanimously took a startled jump back. They must have thought I'd lost
my mind, & considering everything that had happened to me so far,
I was surprised that I was still here myself! I motioned Circe back over,
wiped the tears out of my eyes, & pulled up one of the chairs for
her. "Have a seat, you're going to love this! I know exactly what
Wyly meant, & the reasons for everything he's done!" My hand
independently reached up to clamp my mouth shut, but I knocked it away.
Circe seated herself, & stared at me in askance. I couldn't help myself.
I was so excited, that I had to grin. Circe scooted her chair back several
feet. If I'd seen my reflection in the mirror, I would have seen that
my grin--human or not, matched Wyly's 100%!
"I'll try to keep this as simple as possible. You see, I created
his character in print, & used my own responses to various situations
as his own, only exagerated--mountains out of molehills as it were. I
meant for him to survive & thrive by feeding off of emotions &
attention, but he had to be there to draw this feast off people in person.
He was meant to gather his own magic in this fashion, similar to the possibly
mythic old gods, who relied on belief for their power & existence.
The incomplete traits I'd given him were an amalgamate of powerful survival
skills. Wyly is part confidence man, actor, lawyer, salesman, trickster;
& urban survivor. All of these traits required a complete working
knowledge & trust of his surroundings. This helps to explain why he
caused all of the incidents!"
Circe leaned closer as her eyes narrowed in suspicion. "This had
better be good. I won't need magic to have you thrown out, no matter what
shape or form you're in!" I believed her, & took a deep breath
before attempting to explain. B.S., don't fail me now!
to Chapter 6
Return to "The Funhouse - As Seen By Others"